Well, I just got called on to come down to the front of the room to role play in a 'difficult patient encounter.'

And tripped and fell to the ground in front of the whole class.

And then said "This isn't about you," instead of "this isn't about me."

So basically today equals #1 most mortifying day of med school

Reducing Infant Mortality from Debby Takikawa on Vimeo.

July 27, 2009

hi. today was my first day of becoming a doctor.




kindergarten-style, first day of school pic.

July 24, 2009

Well, I start med school tomorrow.

I don't know what's up with me not blogging. Maybe I'll bring it back.

Oh, also, tomorrow I will have been on this earth a quarter of a century.

Yesterday I sent birthday cards to my parents, grandparents, and longest friend to thank them for loving and supporting me all these years. It made me cry.

Tonight I am going out to dinner with a friend at Pie in the Sky. I've always wanted to go to Pie in the Sky.

The wedding was beautiful, and I'm so honored that I was able to be a part of it.

Much love to Emm and Mike.

i am so messed up.

getting ready to go to a very close friend's wedding and have such anxiety that i just sat and watched the washing machine spin for twenty minutes to help me ground...
this is the first wedding i've attempted since the non-wedding of september, 2008.
i feel like i'm going to throw up.

Connection #1

How is it that I can still be so amazed at how good, great, and glorious God is? I would think that after everything He has done for me I would just stop being so surprised! Oh, such a long way to go...

So, last night my (parent's) neighbors Dave and Carol had a barbecue and from their back yard I saw a young couple working in their yard a few houses down. I asked Carol if we could invite them over, and of course she said yes, so I went down and knocked on their door. Well, they ended up coming and long story short, Chuck, the husband, used to be on staff at an A29 church in St. Louis! Now he works at the Methodist church down the street, but (coming from an A29 background) finds it a bit lacking. I told them (Betsy and Chuck) about Soma and missional communities and Soma School and I think we're all pretty excited.
I was hoping to start a missional community-type get together and I think they would be very interested. They already have fellowship-type gatherings with younger adults every so often.

Again, I can hardly believe, yet at the same time I can totally believe that these people are my neighbors and that I met them ONE WEEK after moving back home. God is so good.... I prayed and my church family prayed that God would be preparing the way and going ahead of me, but this is crazy. Makes me remember that (oh, hi, my name is hannah) it's not all about me, and that the plans God is laying out are for something so much bigger and greater than I could even imagine. I am so excited to see what He has in store for this city, and so glad that I get to be a part of it.



(family praying for/sending Erika and I)

t minus seven days

I'm moving back to Pennsylvania in a week. I believe that I have, in effect, "turned down" my emotional dial so that I am able to deal with this without melting into a messy puddle. It's exciting and right. I'll be heading back to friends and family and to pursue the career that I know I was made for, but at the same time it's another move, another transition, leaving the family I've made and the family that I moved here to create.

Hawai'i Day 1

OK. Hannah's Hawai`i vacation contest: Who can guess what body part I forgot to put sunscreen on my first day here and now is crazy red-purple? I'll randomly choose a winner from the correct guesses. Winner gets a present from Maui.

(also doing this on f-book)

Hawai`i Day 2

Yesterday definitely felt like vacation. Quick recap: I took the city bus down the road a few miles to meet Nickolai and Jenny for brunch at Da Kitchen, a restaurant that has pretty yummy Hawaiian food. It was so awesome to see friends from back home (weird... i guess "back home #2") in Hawai`i! Turns out they were here for the same reason I am: they wanted to visit for cheap before moving to the east coast. So cool. After our meal they left for the airport even though I tried to convince them to skip their flight and stay for a few more days. :) [Jenny gave me a gift too! Stedman's Medical Dictionary, a book she was given her first year of med school. So sweet.] I walked across the road from Da Kitchen to Kamaole Beach 1. It was so beautiful!!! (again, pictures to come.) I laid out for a little, waded in the water a little, and then started making my way back up S. Kihei Drive towards M's house. On the way I stopped at Starbucks (ha! Starbucks Maui), Shaka Pizza, and several open-air markets. By the time I got back home it was afternoon (that was the goal... didn't want to lay out during prime sun hours and get scorched my first day.) so I dropped off some of the heavier items I was carrying, grabbed a beach mat, and went across the street to a different beach. And what to my wondering eyes did appear but dozens of hot men in water sport gear! There were guys windsurfing, and also kitesurfing, which I had never seen before, but was sooo amazing! There were a couple guys out there who got so much air they would fly for maybe 20 seconds. Crazy! I mean, haven't you always wanted to fly? To be picked up by your kite or umbrella Mary Poppins style and just float with the breeze? These guys were doing that! (and they were hot.) Marianne met me at that beach when she got off work and we sat around a bit and then left to meet her nieces at a hula. Let me just say, I wish I could shake my hips like that. Again, crazy.

So, that's about it. Today I'm adventuring with M's friend Eddy (kayaking? snorkeling? not sure, but I'll report later!)

Hawai`i Day 1

I just woke up all groggy from jet lag and sinus pressure and I was feeling a little hungover, despite not having anything last night to make me feel that way. And then... I remembered... I'm in Hawaii!!! I'm not going to spend much time blogging because I just must get outside as soon as possible, but I wanted to update.

I got in last night around 6pm and Marianne met me at the airport with a beautiful (real!) lei. So cool. [The flight was a good balance between great and horrible. I sat with a normal girl about my age coming to visit her friend. The middle seat between us was empty so we got to put our purses there and sit in more comfortable positions. And there were two little kids behind us who screamed the whole time and kicked our seats for 6 hours)

We first went to Marianne's house where she lives with her sister to drop off a couple things, and then up the road to Kalama Beach Park to meet Marianne's friends Sami and Saul who are young travelers who currently live in their truck at the beach. They were there, along with a few other folks, and soon we all walked down towards the water and started a drum circle. It was great.

After jamming at the drum circle, M and I went to go visit her friend Eddy who lives in "the box" as M's sister calls it, or "the bungalo" as I call it. I forget the Hawaiian name, but basically land and property is so expensive that people rent out these great little baby houses in their back yards (like these tiny homes.) Ed has kayaks. :) woot.

That' all for now, I've gotta get outside!

Meeting my friends Nicolai and Jenny for bruch at 11. So cool.

6/14 rochester or 6/16 pittsburgh. who's up?

(leaning towards pittsburgh)

Whaaaaa!!!!

I'm going to Hawaii! I'm going to Hawaii!


i can hardly believe it. more info to come.

ohmygoshthisissohilarious

And here comes another one

I'm not exactly sure what's up with the complete lack of blogging... my guess is that my brain just needed some time to assimilate all the new information that i've gathered over the past couple weeks.

So..

As previously mentioned, I applied to UW, SMS, and LECOM. In the midst of those applications I figured out what I want to do (at least clearly enough to take a step forward, not saying that won't adapt as time goes on) and then 1. stopped applying to UW, 2. withdrew my application from SMS, and 3. hoped that LECOM would let me in. And by hoped I mean panicked.
Thankfully, they were merciful and I have been accepted to LECOM's class of 2013!

What this means (etc.):

• I'll be moving back to Pennsylvania on May 19 so that I have time to get settled, find an apartment, etc.
• I have decided to become a part of LECOM's Problem Based Learning pathway, and I'm pretty excited about it! LECOM describes it this way: "Teams of eight medical students study medical cases as they progress through modules of the core curriculum and systems of the body. Together, PBL students research the basic and clinical sciences, and they solve the problem presented by the patient’s case." What that essentially means is that instead of sitting in a classroom all day every day and doing med school similarly to the way I did college (some might say "binge and purge"), I'll be meeting with other students and a facilitator 3 times a week for 2 hours each to discuss a case, and then studying independently the rest of the time. I am looking forward to learning in a way that seems to be a better fit with the way my mind works.
  
• My goal is to become a family practitioner who specializes in maternity care and natural birth. I have contacted a couple doulas and midwives in the Erie area who are willing to let me shadow them (or in the case of doula-ing actually help since I've taken a doula course) while I am in Erie. My hope is that I will eventually work to improve the U.S. maternity care system by facilitating discussion and collaboration between doctors, midwives, and other health care providers. I want to be a doctor who supports home birth and free-standing birth clinics, especially in rural areas.
  
• I will be home to celebrate my papa's 80th birthday in June and my sister's 30th birthday in August!
• I will not be here to celebrate Cara's 30th and Hadley's 1st birthday in September or Grayden's Kung Fu Panda party in November. :(
• I will get to hang out with Statia and baby.
• And Tricia! And EMMH!
  
• I will not get to hang out with my Melissa.
• I will be surrounded by my family! And get to eat Sunday dinners at gramma's!
• I will deeply miss my church family. And the great teaching at soma. :(
• Erie summers. The peninsula. :)
  
• No Washington summers. Will miss my mountain. :(
• Will also miss this mountain.
• Cheapest beer ever! :)
  
• No more Broho. :(
• Getting to know my niece and nephews all over again. :)

The list goes on... I really am excited for this new step, but I'm definitely grieving. Already. Silly things make me cry. Like flocks of birds flying in a crisp v-shape. yep.

fluid in my alveoli

I have pneumonia.
So I've been laying in bed all week.

It's really lame.

Attraversiamo

Twice this week I have ended up at a sort of party saying, "Dammit! I forgot my camera!" I'd love to tell all about my experiences, but the thing is I would really rather post a couple pictures than conjure up several thousand words. So at this point, I'm just going to tell you this:

Does your mind ever get stuck on a word? Maybe a street name, a kind of beer, a funny word like 'slacks' or 'after'?

This week I met Eugenio, the owner of Trinacria Ristorante Italiano, and his name won't leave my mouth! Eugenio. "Ay-oo-gen-i-yo." You say it fast and loud, like a rollercoaster. The "ay" and "oo" sounds are the last couple clicks at the very top of the hill, and then comes the freefall of "genio." It's so fun I just can't stand it!

I took Eugenio's arm and told him, "I know one Italian word. Attraversiamo!" He giggled and said, "Letza cross the street-a!"

I told him that since moving to Olympia I have wanted to come to his restaurant, but whenever I think of it I'm with a friend and we're both in jeans and we say, "Oh, some other time."
Eugenio told me, "You can come in jeanza! Doesn't matta..." and basically convinced me with his insistance, "we have da best-a foo-da, da best-a price-a!" Then he and a waitress revealed to me the table that they have set up in the kitchen for family or people who come alone so that they can be part of the hustle and bustle of the kitchen! I may go in alone sometime, but I definitely won't be lonely!

for fun

bring out your tiny violin

I'm feeling 'eh' and can't put my finger on it.
It feels like I've lost something, and when I try to figure out what that is, it leads to a slow and gentle depression of my spirits because, as it turns out, it could be caused by any number of those things in life that aren't the way I would like them to be. I miss my family. it feels like I haven't talked to any of them in a really long time. phone calls with my cousin, my gramma, my sister, my mom, they used to be quite frequent... it's my fault I know. I am usually the one who makes the call (maybe 75% of the time) and I haven't been doing that because... I don't know. I haven't been talking to anyone. this is a pretty clear indicator of the state of my mental health. I guess I just feel pretty isolated. I'm frustrated with working so much because it doesn't leave much time for fun, and also I work during the hours of the day when it's light out, so after that I don't have many options. I could (and sometimes do) take the bus downtown, but I'm a little apprehensive about walking home in the dark from the bus stop since I live in perhaps the scariest neighborhood in Lacey. this leads to hours spent alone in my bedroom, which really isn't good for me at this point. last night i finished my book and colored a picture in my new strawberry shortcake coloring book, but i would have rather been doing something fun with friends. today is my day off and i went to bed at like 9 last night. lame.

on the brighter side, i'm looking forward to having this weekend off and doing something fun. not sure exactly what yet.

Seriously?

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/02/27/kids.for.bird/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

beauty. don't you agree?

Good morning!

Feeling really well this morning,
very taken care of.

Eating yummy 'rice squares' (generic chex) with sliced banana <-- purchased by my incredibly generous friends Stacey and Brandon.
Drinking coffee out of a mug <-- a present from a former Starbucks co-worker.
Listening to this song, among others.

How The Day Sounds

Favorite holiday

I had an amazing Valentine's Day.

The new man

Tonight I got lots of snuggles and kisses and played board games and giggled and just had a lot of fun!

So who's the new guy?

Well, I met him at my friend Cara's house tonight, where I went for a night of dinner, laundry, and TV watching.

He actually lives there too.

Meet Grayden.

He's 3. And totally my new best friend.

Coffee!

Upon moving into my new apartment I soon realized, "Oh my! I need a coffee pot!"
Soon after that I remembered, "Oh my! I'm poor!"
Too poor to buy a coffee pot for sure, but also definitely too poor to stop at a coffee shack on the way to the bus stop every day.
Hot coffee in a thermos is high on the list of important things to have on cold, early mornings. Seriously, it makes getting sprayed by road mist a little more tolerable.
Also, it helps me remember little things. Like to put deodorant on. Or to put my shoes on the right feet. (yep.)

This morning after a wrong-foot-slipper-mix-up and nearly falling asleep on the bus, I decided that something had to be done. I asked Kelly, one of the managers who works upstairs if we had any "really super cheap" coffee pots. And guess what??!



I brought home this beautiful little baby today. A discontinued model. $7.99. Plus it was the floor model. Another 20% off. Plus my employee discount. Another 15%.
About $5.50.

I'm drinking a cup of yummy coffee right now. With my dinner. Of ramen noodles.

:-D

Women's Retreat

I'm leaving today for a weekend retreat with the ladies of Soma. I'm very much looking forward to a relaxing weekend the ocean, especially because the theme of the retreat is "Her Joy: intimacy with God." This coincides perfectly with my theme for the year: be happy/have fun (joy), and grow in relationship with God. :)

On my igoogle homepage I have an application called 'Reminders from God.' Today's says, "Have no fear. Joy- radiant joy must be yours. Change disappointment to joy."

I'm taking my kite.
And this book.

If you're the praying type, feel free to send out a few for the women who will be gathered this weekend.

Love, me.

In Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert tells a story about walking into an elevator and thinking she sees a friend whose name she cannot remember. It takes only a split second for her to realize that she is seeing a reflection of herself in a mirrored wall, and though she feels like a dumb dog, that moment is one that she carries with her. In an unguarded moment, she writes, she recognized herself as a friend.

On Friday I had a similar moment. I was enjoying my day off, wandering around downtown Olympia, when I passed a store decked out in Valentine's decorations. I back-tracked and stared at the window displays of paper hearts and all things red and pink. I probably looked like a kid on Christmas morning. (For all my life Valentine's Day has been my favorite holiday... I've decided to explain this further in a post nearer to the actual holiday.) I went into the store, a little boutique full of things that I love (greeting cards! candles! jewelry! bake wear!) and an urgent thought came to my mind, "I have to buy something for Valentine's Day! For myself! Because I love me!" I literally laughed out loud when I heard my mind say it. But then I thought, "good for me!" It's nice to recognize ourselves as friends every once in a while.

Hot mama

I've been having trouble sleeping lately, especially when I have to get up early for work the next morning. I fall asleep okay, but then I wake up a few hours later and can't get back to sleep for the life of me.

This fine morning (if it can really be called that?) I decided to stop trying and get out of bed to research how I can balance my pitta dosha. So, it's funny, because I'm sitting here at three in the morning and feeling like I'm going to die of overheating, and I'm starving, and parched, and I have to poop for like the 5th time in 10 hours (that's right, I said it), and this is one of the first things I read:

Pitta Characteristics:

• Sharp/Clear voice
• Light sleeper
• Intelligent
• Clear memory
• Jealous
• Ambitious
• Sexually passionate
• Dislikes hot weather
• Loves luxury
• Loose stools / diarrhea
• Strong appetite
• Thirsty

Hmmm.

All of the food recommendations seem too complicated and I'm wondering if there's anything else I can do besides go live in a freezer. Maybe acupuncture?

Oh, by the way, this is so me. Everything I read about pittas, I'm like, wow. Also interesting is that pitta is mostly fire, but a little water, and I'm a Leo, which is a fire sign, but on the cusp of Cancer, which is a water sign.
With all of this information pointing so clearly to my composition, you'd think it would be simple to balance my poor self out, but it looks like I'm not doing so hot (no pun intended.)


ps. haha, just read this: If Pitta dosha is out of balance, you may find that you can fall asleep without much trouble, but you wake up in the very early hours and find it difficult to get back to sleep. It is important to get to bed early, so that you can get adequate rest each night. A cup of warm milk, with some cardamom, can be helpful before bedtime.

"harder" but happier

I'm feeling pretty good about life right now. My dear wife Tricia helped me realize that through her recent blog post, where she said, "What I'm saying is: I didn't leave Camden for the easy life. This is actually harder. But I'm happier. Much, much happier."

I've been sitting here trying to figure out how to explain why those few words are just ringing in my heart right now, but I can't do it. I guess the easy, sort of explanation-free way of saying it is that I left Baltimore and moved to Lacey where I struggled to find a job, and to find friends, but there was happiness there. And then in September I left Markus and moved to this new life in Olympia, which has been an even harder transition, full of pain, depression, self-loathing, but also growth and healing. And now I'm standing in the middle of January of the year 2009 and witnessing little pieces of my heart starting to light up and glow that have been dark for months or years (depending on which little pieces you're looking at.)


It started with going to a bar downtown with a friend and having a good time. We made friends with the owner, and now I can go there by myself and feel welcome. Then last week I told him (the owner) about how I'm just trying to open up my life and meet new friends, and he let me know that he has people over for dinner parties at his house about once a month and that he would invite me to the next one!
It grew when I called up an old army wife friend that I thought was maybe gone with the rest of my army world, and I was greeted with open arms. We had coffee one day, dinner a couple days later, and enough conversation to remind us why we loved each other in the first place!
It blossomed when work relationships finally started moving their way into friendships. Next week I am going swing dancing with a co-worker! (And another co-worker is the teacher!) And last night one of my favorites gave me her number so we could go out and play some time.

I want to keep developing these relationships and letting my roots just dig in here, but it's really hard because I don't know where I'll be living in a month or if I'll be able to even get to Olympia. Time will tell, I guess.

Updates

• It's rainy here. Not the usual type of rainy, but "oh my, now everywhere is flooding" rainy.
  
• I'm currently in the midst of applying to UW school of medicine, Seattle Midwifery School, and LECOM.
• I got a haircut and a year's supply of contacts while I was home. These are two things I've now crossed off of my "things to do when I have some money" list. Woot.
• I'm happy when I get to work for about the first hour. Then I'm just bored.
• I'd really like to be spending my time working with/shadowing a midwife or doula, but I'm not having any luck in that department.
• My face is breaking out like no one's business.
• I have named 2007 and 2008 "the years of tears" and pledge to make 2009 a happier year. I just can't be so sad anymore.
• Stephanie, Erika and I have decided to run a half marathon this spring. I'm excited, and think it will be good for me to challenge myself to do something that won't come easily.
  

That's all for now, folks.