Sunday, January 18, 2009

Love, me.

In Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert tells a story about walking into an elevator and thinking she sees a friend whose name she cannot remember. It takes only a split second for her to realize that she is seeing a reflection of herself in a mirrored wall, and though she feels like a dumb dog, that moment is one that she carries with her. In an unguarded moment, she writes, she recognized herself as a friend.

On Friday I had a similar moment. I was enjoying my day off, wandering around downtown Olympia, when I passed a store decked out in Valentine's decorations. I back-tracked and stared at the window displays of paper hearts and all things red and pink. I probably looked like a kid on Christmas morning. (For all my life Valentine's Day has been my favorite holiday... I've decided to explain this further in a post nearer to the actual holiday.) I went into the store, a little boutique full of things that I love (greeting cards! candles! jewelry! bake wear!) and an urgent thought came to my mind, "I have to buy something for Valentine's Day! For myself! Because I love me!" I literally laughed out loud when I heard my mind say it. But then I thought, "good for me!" It's nice to recognize ourselves as friends every once in a while.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Hot mama

I've been having trouble sleeping lately, especially when I have to get up early for work the next morning. I fall asleep okay, but then I wake up a few hours later and can't get back to sleep for the life of me.

This fine morning (if it can really be called that?) I decided to stop trying and get out of bed to research how I can balance my pitta dosha. So, it's funny, because I'm sitting here at three in the morning and feeling like I'm going to die of overheating, and I'm starving, and parched, and I have to poop for like the 5th time in 10 hours (that's right, I said it), and this is one of the first things I read:

Pitta Characteristics:

  • Sharp/Clear voice
  • Light sleeper
  • Intelligent
  • Clear memory
  • Jealous
  • Ambitious
  • Sexually passionate
  • Dislikes hot weather
  • Loves luxury
  • Loose stools / diarrhea
  • Strong appetite
  • Thirsty

All of the food recommendations seem too complicated and I'm wondering if there's anything else I can do besides go live in a freezer. Maybe acupuncture?

Oh, by the way, this is so me. Everything I read about pittas, I'm like, wow. Also interesting is that pitta is mostly fire, but a little water, and I'm a Leo, which is a fire sign, but on the cusp of Cancer, which is a water sign.
With all of this information pointing so clearly to my composition, you'd think it would be simple to balance my poor self out, but it looks like I'm not doing so hot (no pun intended.)

ps. haha, just read this: If Pitta dosha is out of balance, you may find that you can fall asleep without much trouble, but you wake up in the very early hours and find it difficult to get back to sleep. It is important to get to bed early, so that you can get adequate rest each night. A cup of warm milk, with some cardamom, can be helpful before bedtime.

Friday, January 16, 2009

"harder" but happier

I'm feeling pretty good about life right now. My dear wife Tricia helped me realize that through her recent blog post, where she said, "What I'm saying is: I didn't leave Camden for the easy life. This is actually harder. But I'm happier. Much, much happier."

I've been sitting here trying to figure out how to explain why those few words are just ringing in my heart right now, but I can't do it. I guess the easy, sort of explanation-free way of saying it is that I left Baltimore and moved to Lacey where I struggled to find a job, and to find friends, but there was happiness there. And then in September I left Markus and moved to this new life in Olympia, which has been an even harder transition, full of pain, depression, self-loathing, but also growth and healing. And now I'm standing in the middle of January of the year 2009 and witnessing little pieces of my heart starting to light up and glow that have been dark for months or years (depending on which little pieces you're looking at.)

It started with going to a bar downtown with a friend and having a good time. We made friends with the owner, and now I can go there by myself and feel welcome. Then last week I told him (the owner) about how I'm just trying to open up my life and meet new friends, and he let me know that he has people over for dinner parties at his house about once a month and that he would invite me to the next one!
It grew when I called up an old army wife friend that I thought was maybe gone with the rest of my army world, and I was greeted with open arms. We had coffee one day, dinner a couple days later, and enough conversation to remind us why we loved each other in the first place!
It blossomed when work relationships finally started moving their way into friendships. Next week I am going swing dancing with a co-worker! (And another co-worker is the teacher!) And last night one of my favorites gave me her number so we could go out and play some time.

I want to keep developing these relationships and letting my roots just dig in here, but it's really hard because I don't know where I'll be living in a month or if I'll be able to even get to Olympia. Time will tell, I guess.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


  • It's rainy here. Not the usual type of rainy, but "oh my, now everywhere is flooding" rainy.
  • I'm currently in the midst of applying to UW school of medicine, Seattle Midwifery School, and LECOM.
  • I got a haircut and a year's supply of contacts while I was home. These are two things I've now crossed off of my "things to do when I have some money" list. Woot.
  • I'm happy when I get to work for about the first hour. Then I'm just bored.
  • I'd really like to be spending my time working with/shadowing a midwife or doula, but I'm not having any luck in that department.
  • My face is breaking out like no one's business.
  • I have named 2007 and 2008 "the years of tears" and pledge to make 2009 a happier year. I just can't be so sad anymore.
  • Stephanie, Erika and I have decided to run a half marathon this spring. I'm excited, and think it will be good for me to challenge myself to do something that won't come easily.
That's all for now, folks.