Wednesday, April 30, 2008

In Celebration

In celebration of National Poetry Month (well, the last day of it), I've decided to join up with Megan at SortaCrunchy and a few others by posting my favorite poem.
It's a long one, but for me, totally worth the read.
I just think Eliot's words are so beautiful. Also, I can't help but appreciating his references to Dante and Shakespeare, as well as his lean towards Symbolism. Mmm symbolism. :)

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
by T. S. Eliot

Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question. . .
Oh, do not ask, "What is it?"
Let us go and make our visit.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions
And for a hundred visions and revisions
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?"
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair—
[They will say: "How his hair is growing thin!"]
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin—
[They will say: "But how his arms and legs are thin!"]
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

For I have known them all already, known them all;
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons; <--- My favorite line!
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all—
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?

And I have known the arms already, known them all—
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
[But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!]
Is it perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
And should I then presume?
And how should I begin?
. . . . .

Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows? . . .

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
. . . . .

And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep . . . tired . . . or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet–and here's no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all"
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say, "That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all."

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
"That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all."
. . . . .

No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
Almost, at times, the Fool.

I grow old . . . I grow old . . .
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

Another poem (is it a poem?) that I love is Desiderata by Max Ehrmann. Really I always just read the last stanza.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham,
drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Thursday, April 24, 2008


Markus gets back from field training tomorrow! Yay! Unfortunately, though, he and the rest of the unit have to go into work on Saturday and for half of Sunday. Boo!

I made him some cookies to take in with him on Saturday, and I thought I'd share the recipe. These are so easy and so yummy that they should be illegal. :-)

Delicious, Easy Surprise Cookie
1 box chocolate cake mix
2 eggs
1/3 cup oil
1 bag of Reese cup miniatures

Mix cake mix, eggs, and oil together. Roll dough into a small ball and flatten with your thumb. Put a Reese cup in and fold the dough over top, rolling it back into a ball shape.
Bake at 375* for 8-10 minutes.
Mine made 34 cookies.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I know most of you don't have all the time in the world like I do, but if you want to be shocked and maybe even laugh a little, check out this website.

I had no idea so many celebrities had 'fake' names.

Mixed Messages


Today I went to the library to pick up a couple books that I had requested through interlibrary loan. In an attempt to get out of the house for a little while, I toted my books along with me to Forza and settled in with a super yummy soy caramel macchiato. I started to read Paths to Becoming a Midwife and just felt that every article, every word of advice, or piece of wisdom, was stoking this tiny fire that has been burning in my heart. And then! You will not believe... I found a 4-leaf clover that someone left in the book for me! What a wonderful sign! I wanted to keep reading, but I couldn't stand it any longer.... I had to call Amanda!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ backstory~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
(Have you seen Wayne's World? You know when they're in front of the green screen and 'visiting' different places? And between scenes, they wave their fingers up and down? No? Well, that's what ~*~*~*~* is supposed to indicate)

Ok, anyway. Maybe a month ago I mustered up the guts to call a local midwife to ask if she would allow me to shadow her. I'm not really looking for an apprenticeship at this time because -ta da!- I don't have a car! Or money to buy a car! So I thought that maybe I could just spend a little time with an experienced midwife each month or week so that I could gain some experience and wisdom... Anyway. The midwife I called is no longer practicing, so she referred me to someone "who will definitely be able to help" me, who is "super involved in teaching", yadda yadda yadda. So I call her. And she says that there is no room for me, that since I would not be bringing any skills, I would just be in the way. Boo.
(I opt not to argue, despite the fact that I do not think I am without skill. I am compassionate, nurturing, and always calm in the face of medical emergencies. I am the person that calmly calls 911 and relays the details of the situation. I have god-only-knows how many credits of upper-level biology. I've taken embryology. Microbiology. Physiology. Human Gross Anatomy. to name a few. I've dissected a human cadaver. I've attended a C-section. Blood doesn't gross me out. (needles do.) I chose to take Literature and the Healing Arts as my senior seminar, where we discussed everything from birth to death and all of the choices that come in between. I've counseled people who have HIV/AIDS. I've worked with and befriended people of different colors, religions, sexual preferences... So, I just don't think I'm completely unqualified. Sorry for the ramble.)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~present day~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So I decided to call another midwife, Amanda. I figured she would have a little more understanding, since it seems we have something in common. On her website she explains that she was called to be a midwife, and despite not having a family of her own, knew that midwifery was the right path for her. I thought, "this girl will definitely understand."
I called with such excitement that when she actually answered, I giggled. I went on the give my schpiel. (is that a real word that has a correct spelling?) And you know what she said?
That I would be in the way. That people who choose to have a home birth are very private, and wouldn't want me intruding.

The end.


This. is. very. discouraging.

But don't worry, I'm not giving up.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

My keyboard keeps not working.

Friday, April 18, 2008


Markus sent me this picture at the beginning of February to let me know what our apartment looked like.

Now look at it!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Boo hoo

I miss Markus. I'm sad. I want to cry.

Here's a picture of a rainbow over the Sound.

And a picture of moss on trees. (It does that here)

Both photos were taken at Tolmie State Park. It's just down the road from us.

So sweet

Markus sent me a card.
Notice how he changed who's saying what.

I'm gassy. It's true.

"Count me in"

My dear friend Nicole (whose fiance is in the Air Force) just sent me this email. I'll probably forward it to a few people, but I thought maybe some of you who I don't know might see it too if I posted it on here.

One Minute

Someone has said if Christians really understood the full extent of the
power we have available through prayer, we might be speechless. Did you
know that during W.W.II there was an adviser to Churchill who organized
a group of people who dropped what they were doing every day at a
prescribed hour for one minute to collectively pray for the safety of
England, its people and peace?

There is now a group of people organizing the same thing here in

If you would like to participate: Every evening at 9:00 pm Eastern Time
(8:00 PM Central) (7:00 PM Mountain) (6:00 PM Pacific), stop whatever
you are doing and spend one minute praying for the safety of the United
States, our troops, our citizens, and for a return to a Godly nation. If
you know anyone else who would like to participate, please pass this

Our prayers are the most powerful asset we have.

Please forward this to your praying friends.
Let go. Let God.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Strawberries and God

I just feel like I have so much to say! I've been thinking a lot about some broader issues that I'd like to talk about on here, but I need to think a little bit more about what I want to say. It's mostly just stuff about myself and my growth and where I am right now in life. I plan on getting to that soon.
But until then, I'll keep up with the updates!

Yesterday I tried out a new church that we were eyeing, but hadn't checked out yet. I am so glad I went! It was really a great experience. The service was good and I appreciated the sermon, but mostly I was just so happy with how friendly and welcoming everybody was! I hate sliding into a pew next to people only to have them ignore you until the pastor tells them to say hello to those seated around them. Are you kidding me?! This definitely did not happen yesterday. Immediately upon seating myself several people around me introduced themselves saying, "I don't think I've seen you here before." Now that's what I'm talking about! A church that's enough of a community to know when someone new is present. After the service my pew-mate Hank showed me around the church and led me to the coffee fellowship, introducing me to a few people on the way. One older woman introduced me to her daughter, Debbie, who was running the coffee time that day. Debbie and I chatted for awhile and when I left she gave me her number in case I wanted to go biking! Yay! The whole thing was just a really nice experience. I'm so glad, because I really liked a lot of what the church's website had to say, but you never know what it's actually going to be like.

After church I spent the whole rest of the day hanging out with our new friend Julia. Julia's husband Ben is in Markus' battalion. I had a nice time, and really enjoyed spending time with a girlfriend, but to be honest, when I left I was just exhausted. Julia is great, and I really like her, but we aren't really friends yet, so it wasn't an environment that I could just totally relax and be myself in. Know what I mean? I think that we are going to hang out again later this week, and go visit her family in Portland. Woo hoo! It'll be my first time ever in Oregon.

I'm sort of spoiling myself tonight. I just got a craving/was bored, so I went to the store and bought some strawberries and Ghirardelli semi-sweet chocolate chips.

Now tell me those don't look delicious!

And the weirdest thing... Two of the strawberries in my pack were siamese twins!

Saturday, April 12, 2008


A truly wonderful day. I'll expound later.

OK. I'm expounding:

For those who don't know, my wife gave me a "Highlight of the Day" journal for my birthday last year. Usually I write just a sentence or two before going to bed, but last night I couldn't stop! I've decided to just post what I wrote in the HoD journal...

It was truly a wonderful day.
I feel so blessed and happy to be alive! Highlights include, but aren't limited to: A beautiful, warm, sunshiney, summery day; My first attempt at using public transportation here - thumbs up! People even tell the driver 'thank you' when they get off the bus!; Going to the Farmer's Market; Seeing a bluegrass band playing there that was so beautiful I cried (well maybe I cried for other reasons too) [blog addition/clarification: the other reasons included being lonely because the day was so beautiful and I have no friends here to share it with, missing Markus, and missing my family because my Papa used to play in a bluegrass band]; Trying a deliciously ripe pear; Seeing lots of babies; Going to Artisan's and nearly completing my letter to the Pennsylvania legislature re: midwifery!; Meeting a band from Portland called The Retrofits and seeing/hearing them play - they were great!; Asking Artisan's if they are hiring and being told "Maybe. I was actually just thinking about that. Bring in your resume."; Being told the same thing at a great paper/scrapbooking store; Birds singing; Making it home just before dark [blog addition/clarification: I walked about 3 miles home from the bus stop]; Taking a salt bath; Keeping the windows open because it still feels like a summer night!; Receiving a really warm and loving card in the mail from my friend Mal; AND and anniversary card in the mail from Markus!!!


I. am. so. blessed.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Anyone want to play?

Ahh. It was so sunny and nice today. Really perfect.

Too bad I decided that today was going to be my day of protest.

That's right. I stayed in bed all morning (after returning from taking Markus to work at 5:30 am). Read some. Talked on the phone some. Didn't shower until 3 pm.

Why? Because today Markus left for two weeks 'in the field.' Two weeks!! When we looked at this date on the calendar a month ago we thought I'd have a job. And friends.

But I don't. As you know.

Markus encouraged me to make the most of this time. To explore. To keep looking for a job. To play. To enjoy. To meet people. This all seems like a good idea, but I have the feeling that it's going to be a struggle for me to get up in the mornings, take a shower, and actually do something with my day.
So I thought that maybe if I took one day to get all of the doing-nothingness and sadness and loneliness out of my system....

I'll let you know how that works.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Mini Meatloaves

Mmmm. I made my mom's mini-meatloaves (so much alliteration) last night and they were so yummy that I thought I'd do another recipe post.
Enjoy! :)

Mom's Mini-Meatloaves
1 egg
3/4 cup milk
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 cup quick oats
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 tsp. salt
1 lb. ground beef

2/3 cup ketchup
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 1/2 tsp yellow mustard

Beat egg and milk. Stir in cheese, oats, onion, and salt. Add beef. Mix well.
Make into 8 small loaves and place in greased 9 X 13 baking dish.
Combine toppings. Spoon over top of meatloaves.
Bake uncovered at 350* for 45 minutes.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

I love babies...

Especially when they're family!

My sister Rachel had her baby last week! EEeeee!!!
A little boy.
Named Lucas Timothy.

I love being an aunt, so you just keep bringing 'em on, Rach.

I just want to kiss his little face! It's so weird to not be there to meet him. I met Cameron and Isabelle on the days of their births. This little sweetie will be 4 months old before I get to hold him. :( I'm going to learn how to be an awesome aunt from far away.

My little loves!
Cameron 13, Isabelle (being crazy) 4, and Lucas 6 days.