I'm at work. You wouldn't know it though. If you took away my surroundings and just saw my actions, you might think I was at home.
There are a lot of reasons this is incredibly unfortunate.
For example:
- If I were at home I could be wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. Instead I'm wearing polyester pants, uncomfortable shoes, and two short-sleeved tops because for some reason (ie. I'm poor) I don't own a single long-sleeved shirt that's appropriate for work (meaning I have 2 long-sleeved t-shirts, and one of them is from 8th grade).
- Also, if I were at home I wouldn't feel guilty doing enjoyable things to fill the time like reading, knitting, and making cards. I don't think it would go over to well if I brought my crafting items to work.
- Not having work to do isn't fun. It's boring. And I also feel like my co-workers are getting irritated with my lack of productivity. But it's not my fault. Really.
- I cannot possibly get as much as I intended to from this year if I'm not actually doing something, which makes me want to not be here. Why be in Baltimore away from family, away from Markus, not making any money if I'm not gaining much from the experience?
- My boss thinks that a good way for me to fill my time is to create a resource manual. While creating a resource manual seems like a fine thing to do in between doing "direct service," I don't think it's appropriate that it be the only thing I'm doing.
Complain, complain, complain.
Yeah, I know.
2 comments:
I'm sorry, darling. Though I have to admit that I enjoy how productive you are in terms of searching for book deals, interesting articles, and planning our wedding while you are at work. :-) Seriously - it's pretty awesome.
On another note, I still harbor some hope that you will find another site where you will be able to do the kind of work you are looking for. Despite the lameness of the job you currently have, there could definitely be some wonderfully fulfilling experiences waiting in the not-too-distant future.
Love you!
I've had a few reactions to this post. Here they are chronologically:
1. "Ugh! Hannah's life sucks!"
2. "You're still making a difference in people's lives, you're still serving, not the way you want to, but it's still fulfilling a greater purpose."
3. "Maybe not--what do I know? Don't leave a comment, Tricia."
4. After seeing Markus' comment: "And you left me three comments on my blogs, which made me really happy, so I like when you do nothing at work!"
5. "Life in Baltimore, if not your job, is resulting in good things for you."
Now, I'm not sure which of my reactions I most support, but those are them.
And I too love you!
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